Elrond convulses in exctasy and chants"Yeah, i'm the new pithye of Rivendell's Oracle, 
know yourself and learn that he shall not come  back! 
(for he might be deadly trapped in the infernal Golden Castle's straws)"
  Arwen sighs and whispers with  a gloomy hottest voice "There  is still hhhope"
(my mouth  is bigger, the human wench has no chance to stand before  my skills)
  Saruman "Did I already say how much I praised your  name, Sauron darling?"
  Sauron:"Yes you did a thousand time,  honey,can't you shut the  hell up and wash the rohirrim  dishes quietly? 
Look, I offer you a  gift, a  big  life size poster of me  at the top of your tower,
when you feel alone just have a nice talk with it and stop bugging my  palantir
with your spamming love interactive cards"
  Eowyn:"Aragorn, you are the sexiest,care to set  me up in the satbles?"
  Aragorn blushes and stammers:"I'm not sure my buddy-buddy  Bigfeet** big  mouth  would agree..."
(maybe if I asked her she would enjoy a party,though..)
  Arwen  sllllllllurrps
  Aragorn sluuurrrps
  Frodon takes a bored look in his eyes and  sploootches his head  into the water mercylessly!!
  Theoden:"Go now, my daughter, while there is time, and lead our children and women
to this safe place where there is a  fair orcs greetings community waiting for them!"
  Theoden: Hwaet! To the Battle, Eorlingas! We Gardena in geardagum, theodcyninga! Yeepee!
  Grima to Gandalf, bitter: And yet you say _I_ speak like a fool.
  Gandalf: Ouch.
  Ioreth, nodding to Gandalf: Ouch, abuse of Galenas pipe-leaf, wich the Wise call Asea Viagra.
  Legolas"Look how cool I am while surfing on these stairs deadly shooting arrows like a fancy badass I am!"
  Frodo has a dumb questionning look on his face:"Why do the Mumakils look like coypu?"
  Guimli:"will I say something not dumb this time?"
  Aragorn "Beware,beware, the mighty heir of Isildur is back! 
Watch how I break door in like a true majestual King!"


Hopefully, the oliphants look great

**I saw  Liv tyler in real life and she has amazing big feet :P

(many thanks to beru for the old english part)