*Just a collection of funny comms that I have collecting since I reimmorted four months ago.* = best title: Squackmo Hotpants the silvan is dodging perplexing, 3-D, geometric attacks! runner up: Peat moss and the fertilizers runner up: Mostly cloudy with a chance of showers = ^ Scat hmms. Maybe drinking in front of my computer wasn't the best idea... ^ Khelban: what, you spilled it? ^ Scat nods. ^ Crusaderr: that's alright someone last week tripped and dropped syrup from their pancakes all down in their keyboard ^ Crusaderr: now that takes skill ^ Khelban: I'd rather spill beer on my keyboard than syrup ^ Scat: thank god it was only koolaid ^ Crusaderr: the best is when someone starts talkin like ^ Scat: but my fingers keep sticking to the keys...its very annoying ^ Sniff: spilling beer is not to be taken lightly ^ Crusaderr: it's funny when someone spills something on their keyboard and tries to tell you about it ^ Crusaderr: but it comes up as like a series of random letters and numbers ^ Ethwi: Lol yeah ========== Here's what I think happened.... ^ Akko: did you have a sidekick that was a prostitute/crack addict when you saved the world Jas? Cuz crack addicts always make the story better, just ask Mith ^ Mithgil: Let me upload my cool sailing picture somewhere ^ Jasumin: You saw someone on the bus who you thought was a "crack addict" and so you never even got on the bus, but instead went into the bathroom at the bus-station, and some mean boys duct taped you to the toilet. ^ Jasumin: While you were stuck there, an old half-blind cowboy with a bottle of Jack Daniels came in and sat on your lap. ^ Mithgil: How did I get to California then? ^ Crusaderr: I must admit this is sounding realistic ^ Jasumin: Well, he pulled his pants down first. Didn't even see you there, and took a crap on your lap, soiling your clothes. ^ Akko likes Jas' stories better... ^ Jasumin: We're getting to the California part... ^ Jasumin: After waiting outside the bathroom for 3 hours, your parents get a little suspicious and decide to go in after you ^ Jasumin: Your father rather...it's a men's bathroom kay, I feel better now. ^ Rathmar: A shower, a purging.. ^ Akko: purging eh? ^ Rathmar: Something in my stomach was making me sleepy, so I got rid of it. ^ Jasumin: It takes him another half hour, but your father finally frees you from the duct-tape defecation mess. ^ Mithgil: They don't believe my travel story, Rathmar. See if I ever share my vacation stories ever again ^ Akko: oh, i was assuming that you meant you cleaned your pipes... ^ Jasumin: But your clothes are ruined so you have to go home and change...which you do ^ Crusaderr: your story was so interesting to rathmar that he went for a shower and threw up :P ^ Jasumin: sorry :( ^ Mithgil: http://www.geocities.com/tim_ligh/sailing.jpg <- me sailing ^ Jasumin: And then your perents decided to take pity on you, and drove you to California. ^ Akko: hmm i think i might be sick for some reason... anyone do a quick heal on me? ^ Rathmar: Is that a picture of you? ^ Huvintude: you grab the ropes so well ^ Mithgil: Uh huh ^ Rathmar: What is that condom on your head? ^ Crusaderr: who the hell is tim ligh? :P ^ Mithgil: That's my hey skipper ^ Rathmar: Sorry Cru, I won that round. ^ Sascha: omg! Mithgil is a silhouette! ^ Mithgil: I'm Tim Ligh ^ Jasumin: The reason you left that out, is because you saw a beer ad with a scantily clad woman on it somewhere on the express way and decided to masturbate right there in the back seat. ^ Rathmar: That's a small boat. ^ Rathmar: I'm hoping Drunken Ed comes by to go get some beer. ^ Jasumin: Of course, this upset your parents just a little, but they vowed to keep driving and never speak of it. ^ Mithgil: Well, that's the very front of it. =============== ^ Lomar: Each day, I ponder suicide. ^ Khranim: stop procrastinating. ^ Marvin hands Lomar a jug of Chlorox. ^ Fimbu: Well you have my yes vote, whenever you want to think about it. ^ Marvin: Try that on for size. ^ Foraker: bye Arda ^ Lomar: Ok, then I will suicide now. ^ Osse: You people are harsh. ^ Khelban: but tormenting people is fun ^ Fofester: Realistic Osse, Realistic ^ Osse: bastards, more like. ^ Khranim: Sir Bastard, to you. ====================== ^ Widower: If you are friends of Mithgil, Associates of Mithgil, or Butt Buddies of Mithgil then you can know that you are Widower Unapproved, anyone that would be caught dead near, around, much less be friends with mithgil ... earns my seal of disapproval ====================== ^ Plow: just love for all! love in the form of many tiny little pellets of lead shooting towards you at terminal velocity ====================== ^ Plow: the end of the world is worth something! ^ Plow: and the destruction of mankind too ^ Plow: and hell, shooting the bullies of your childhood with a 12-gauge shotgun is also vert worthwhile i might add ^ Osse: Bitterness is bad, Plow. ^ Plow: i have no bitterness ^ Osse: so is multiple homicide. ====================== ^ Plow: I'm bored! *throws some change at Osse* Entertain me! ^ Gothwin tosses Osse a gold coin for a lap dance ^ Osse: give me a minute to change. ====================== ^ Castamir: It's pretty safe to afk in Mordor, unless everyone out there keeps running finds on you. ^ Dvalin afk'd in a party in moria with wimpy on before, bad idea... ^ Castamir: Too bad, that's the case for you Cal. ^ Calenril: Well it sucks if you have to go to the toilet :P ====================== ^ Mithgil: The time of the day for Church of Mithgil exercises has come. Who would like to join today? ^ Orlandu: not i! ^ Leopold: Ooh pick me! ^ Lorfyre: Blasphemy. ^ Mithgil: All who are interested, send a tell. ^ Orlandu: mithgil is trying to make little children take drugs ^ Orlandu: don't listen to his church ====================== ^ Malakan: You complete me, Ardilion. ^ Ardilion: it's just my swedish that turns you on :( ^ Calenril: Ardilion, does swedish turn you on? ^ Ardilion: sweden does ^ Ardilion: I don't mean the country, mind you. ====================== ^ Fofester: Malakan's my new hero ====================== ^ Malakan: Fimbu, you are the weakest link. ^ Malakan: Goodbye. ====================== ^ Lan: yanke doodle went to town,riding on a ponnnneyyyyy.stuk a ....some thing....in his hat and calld it .....god ))) MACKAROANE! ====================== ^ Fofester throws a hobbit at Fimbu ^ Douglas throws a Fimbu at Fofester. ^ Fofester consumes it ^ Douglas: Oh my God, he ate Fimbu. ^ Douglas: You bastard! ====================== Randill's wisdom: Why did the chicken cross the road? In fact, why do we have roads at all? Without roads there would be no highways and no car crashes. And therefore we could all drink to our hearts content and not have to hear about all that drunk driving stuff anymore. A song by randill: This land is my land This ain't your land I've got a shotgun and you don't have one if you don't get off I'll blow your head off This land was meant for me not you ====================== ^ Lan d is your land!this land is my land ====================== ^ Osse: I bowl in a pretty laid-back league... our team considers itself a drinking team with a bowling problem. ====================== ^ Svein: So, last night, I'm waiting for MithgilRadio to come on, and I said to myself, "Well screw this, I'm hosting my own radio station" ^ Taorah: Mithgil Radio? ^ Fofester: And then the world exploded? ^ Svein: So after a long night of trying to get that damn shoutcast server working, I now have my own internet radio station. ^ Svein: Up and running now, just sending the information to Shoutcast ====================== ^ Perry: i was walking. ^ Perry: i came upon a group of 2000 orcs. ^ Perry: turns out,we were old friends. ====================== ^ Barberi: Devinius founds the new proffession, the stay-at-home-mudder ^ Veldehar: It's almost as old profession as selling your body for money.... almost ====================== ^ Lan nods like a newbye ^ Kharash: newbye, those are the newbies who didn't like it and will say 'goodbye' soon. ^ Mithgil: Lan reminds me of the senile Yoda from when Luke doesn't know who he is yet ====================== ^ Gilgamesh: is log-o-mania busted? ^ Gilgamesh: Log List keeps returning me to the home page ^ Jasumin: log-o-mania laughs at your pathetic attempts to breach it's security ====================== ^ Rajje: I am inside guild. come. =) ^ Viktor: What guild? ^ Rajje: Mushrooma ^ Viktor: Mushroom Kingdom? ^ Viktor: Oh, you think that's funny? making pun's on mario? ^ Rajje: Yep. A secret guild in mirkwood. built by mushrooms ====================== ^ Scat ramis to break the silence. ^ Rami refuses to scat. ^ Scat: what's wrong? constipated? ^ Rami is constipated. ^ Rami nods ====================== ^ Crusaderr: pride is a lot like an attractive wife, it's fun to flaunt in public but gets you in way too much trouble ====================== ^ Namarik: omg whoever sent that hawk to beyaz that was brilliant :P thanx ^ Namarik: The hawk is currently carrying the following message: ^ Namarik: I am Beyaz. Pretentious yet unqualified for anything, except being a big weenie. ====================== ^ Ash sparks! ^ Caber KABOOMS ^ Hamonk ducks ^ Sifco gets hit by a raindrop and dies. ^ Hamonk gets hit by Caber-like shrapnol ^ Foldan cries for sifco ===================== ^ Mithgil: ZELINDO YOU BITCH ^ Zelindo: :) ^ Mithgil: GET THE HELL BACK HERE ^ Foldan: profanity? ^ Sarys: where ^ Mithgil: WHERE (I) ^ Khelban: there! ^ Sarys: GO WARN THEM ^ Smaug: GO TO HELL ^ Smaug: and burn! ^ Smaug roars! ^ Imrazor succesfully tames Smaug. (I) ^ Khelban: I don't think so ^ Rickjames: how can you tame smaug, he's wild! ^ Smaug: interesting defintion of 'tame'. ^ Imrazor: That would have kicked ass ^ Boffo: History tells me that the only way to tame smaug is to feed him so many ponies he is too full to fly, or eat you. Someone: You're forgetting about that charming fire breath ^ Daedeloth: change ponies to dwarves...or elves even... Someone: I love that line in The Hobbit where Smaug oh-so-politely informs Bilbo that even if he gave him a running start, he could still torch the thing if he so felt like it ^ Imrazor: How many dragons is there? ^ Boffo is all your dragons. ===================== ^ Melkor: d00d, wtf. why r u legending me. ^ Otoron: stfu noob! ===================== You are standing just outside a cave entrance. The old limbs of a large tree hang down in front of you; you think this tree may be more ancient than all of Mirkwood Forest. The grass has been cut short, and a gentle path leads into the cave. The old forest road continues south. The sky is black and the stars shine down brightly. The sky is brilliantly clear. The only obvious exits are east, cave, southeast, southwest, south, west and north. Thorak Firebeard the dwarf Deathmaster (Angelic) Keavie Meloiale the silvan Gwilwileth Valoc Ironhammer the dwarf Nightcrafter (Moral) Sckon Circaz the dunedain Deathmaster (Shadowspawn of Mordor) Demis the dunedain Landlord (Angelic) Fangorn __ __ _ _ Scatha / _ / ) /_|( //_|(__/ Khelban (__)(__/ ( ||/|/( | / Gothmog is watching you. Manni has won the MUD NCAA Tourney pool two years in a row. 1st place: 129 2nd place: 71 Draugluin: 46 A signpost ==================== You are standing just outside a cave entrance. The old mlimbs of a large tree hang down in front of you; you think this tree may be more ancient than all of Mirkwood Forest. The grass has been cut short, and a gentle path leads into the cave. The old forest road continues south. The sky is black and the stars shine down brightly. The sky is brilliantly clear. The only obvious exits are east, cave, southeast, southwest, south, west and north. Renyc Kiirar the sindar Sorcerer (Demonic) Thorgal Lonnbemnech the dwarf Warlord (Demonic) Nroeb Rhuark the edain Wolf Spirit (Angelic) Poison Kinslayer the sindar Strongarm (Heroic) Sarys Duinathil the silvan Wolf Spirit (Hand of Eru) Gulthalion the sindar Enchanter (Heroic) Zicex Storna the dunedain Battle Lord (Hand of Eru) Borthand the dunlending Con Artist (Moral) Chrysallis Esulcer the sindar Conjuror (Villainous) Ariadne screams (INVIS) Valoc Ironhammer the dwarf Nightcrafter (Moral) Galuf __ __ __ __ __ __ __ Fangorn /|/| / | / | /| / | / / / / | / / | Scatha ( / |( |(___|( | (___|( (___ (___ ( |( (___| Khelban | )| )|\ | | )| ) ) )| )| )|\ Gothmog | / |__/ | \ | | / |__/ __/ __/ |__/ |__/ | \ Manni has won the MUD NCAA Tourney pool two years in a row. 1st place: 129 2nd place: 71 Draugluin: 46 A signpost ==================== A ping-pong table: ^ Elorn: P___/I|\_____[_________P ^ Elorn: (broken table) ^ Barberi: what an anvil fell through the table? ^ Arax: yeah what is that ^ Elorn: actually it fell up...somehow... ^ Arax: a spider? ^ Bakal: It's one of those piece of crap folding tables. ^ Elorn: some moron cast levitate on the anvil...you see... ^ Barberi: bah, I left the nice table in the bar, didn't want you "non-bkders" to break it ^ Barberi: you guys are probably too sober to play it the right-o-fact way anyways ==================== ^ Daedeloth: heh...crib when it's too imbalanced...and then crib that it's too balanced? ^ Castamir: If the crib is unbalanced, it needs to be nerfed. ^ Foraker: people always balance games the same way, they nerf whatever is the most powerful ^ Foraker: because its a lot easier to nerf 1 thing then raise the power of everything else ^ Warrax: it's not about power at all ^ Warrax: nerfing is wrong :p ^ Warrax: there should just be more damage ^ Warrax: if something is too rewarding, just create more damage somewhere else ==================== ^ Taudrek: You people lost me. Godammnit. ^ Taudrek: I'm like. Stuck in the wilderness :p ^ Sarvis: and you're a homosexual ^ Aravor: Your mother is.. she told me ^ Alkath: man, that hurt ^ Quintin: And you're an idiot. ===================== ^ Poison is a freak of nature. ===================== ^ Armada considers himself monkey. ===================== ^ Vallejo has arrived. ^ Ash cheers ^ Delvar: All goes silent. ^ Azmodan: Go back to hell ===================== ^ Azmodan: Oh my god this is madning ^ Vallejo: Your spelling? ===================== ^ Tolban: heh im wearing a green dress from a dead elf ^ Dogar: Are you proud of yourself? ^ Tolban: i find it funny ===================== ^ Jabba: Ruthgaer Hubbabubba the dunedain cool guy ^ Calenril: Does hubbabubbas still exist ^ Ruthgaer: What's a hubbabubba ===================== ^ Rajje: If Rami was a female, I never would've ****dunno*** him?... ^ Rami: if zoso were a woman i'd be afraid. ^ Zoso: i'd probably have better manners. ===================== ^ Lomar: Oh, that feels so good, keep stroking my beard ^ Barberi: whoa!!!! Lomar, you move fast on dates! ^ Binabik: Yeah I get 'em drunker than when we started ^ Lomar: I know how to please people ^ Navri twirls her beard and bats her eyelashes. ^ Lomar: Navri -> Biggest turn off ever ^ Barberi: stroking the beard would involve marriage first I think, and after being married for about half a century then the beard stroking could commence ===================== ^ Eldros: I see things, I see them with my eyes.... ===================== ^ Draugluin: Harass newbies? Get nuked. Keep doing it? Find a new game. ===================== _.-''''-._ .' `. : `. : : : : : : : : `. : _..-''-._ .-`. `-. .' `. .'.--. .---._ `. ; ; ..' `' `. : ; _ : .''. .''. : ; .' `.: .-. ; .-. ; ; ; : :--. :_:' :_:' .'_.--. ; .'`._.' `. .-' `. .' : `._ _.' : .---. : ``--`` `. .' ` .' `. _.' _ _.' ``-..__...---''; .'_.' `._`-._`' .' .'`` `-._```_.-' ``` See you real soon! ^ Zoso: I'm a fan of cartoon mice. ^ Zoso: as symbols of destruction ===================== ^ Someone: Drink yourself to sobriety. ^ Vallejo: Not possible! ^ Vallejo: that ship has sailed! ^ Kharash: is that like, drinking until you are drunk enough to be sure you are sober? ^ Draugluin: That's a wonderful thing to be a fan of, Zoso. ^ Taranis: Oh shit, he went drunk, to drunk to not be sober back to smashed ^ Sarin: you mean, you drunk your self sober, then back drunk again? cool ^ Foldan: haha, okay ^ Zoso: yes, it is ^ Taranis: I've heard of people SMOKING themselves sober, but not drinking themselves sober ^ Zoso: you are a maker of little sense ==================== Vallejo: if there was something going on right now, I'd call into work ^ Vallejo: as it stands, I think I have to go. ^ Vallejo: can I get an amen? ^ Taorah: No. ^ Taranis: Punch yourself really hard a few times, go in, be like "I got mug-*hic*-mugged!" ==================== ^ Pounder: fofester the forester?:) ==================== ^ Ash sparks! ^ Caber KABOOMS ^ Hamonk ducks ^ Sifco gets hit by a raindrop and dies. ^ Hamonk gets hit by Caber-like shrapnol ^ Foldan cries for sifco ===================== ^ Calenril: You know you're silly if your favourite weapon gives -30 dodge and disables a professional ability ===================== ^ Pageon: ash's real name is hooosurDADDY ===================== ^ Demandred: legend teion ^ Zelindo: Who ya gonna call? ^ Hallam: never heard of him before ^ Zelindo: GHOST BUSTERS! ^ Zelindo: Hallam, you ruined it. Die. ^ Keny: omg no! ^ Zelindo: Bastard. :( ===================== ^ Mithgil: I can show that girls = evil though. ^ Araceli: you can? ^ Mithgil: Not through mathematical induction. ^ Mithgil: But yes. ^ Taorah's seen that one ^ Mithgil: First we know that girls are time and money, therefore: girls = time * money ^ Araceli: ok ^ Mithgil: Next we know that time is money, therefore girls = money^2 ^ Mithgil: Next we know that money is the root of all evil, therefore: sqrt(money) = evil ^ Araceli: youre so damn clever ^ Mithgil: erm, money = sqrt(evil) ^ Taorah: Isn't it the other way around? ^ Mithgil: So girls = money^2 = sqrt(evil)^2 = evil ^ Alain: Hmm ^ Mithgil: Therefore girls = evil ^ Alain: What if you make it -evil ^ Mithgil: Then you'd have to make it -girls. ^ Mithgil: No girls, no evil. ^ Someone: You totally butched the first part of that. Didn't even mention why girls = money^2 ^ Taorah: Yes, he did. ^ Mithgil: Yes I did, time = money ^ Mithgil: So girls = time * money = money * money = money^2 ^ Taorah wants to be the first person to get yelled at for a frivolous petition, like removing Mithgil from the game (I) ^ Khelban laughs ^ Nolmeore: How is that frivolous? ==================== funny description from old mud: Gee, it sure is tough trying to get anywhere now. The rain is coming down very hard now. The lightning is starting to strike pretty heavily in the east. You have decided that this is not a thunderstorm, is more like a thunderbattle. You should probably get out of this nasty weather and head for drier ground. ==================== ^ Isabel: It's a funny society we live in, when after thousands of years of trying to get food cooked properly, eating raw fish becomes a sign of sophistication. ^ Miriam: It's not just raw fish, it's marinated ^ Otoron: Understand what? We didn't spend thousands of years trying to cok things. We spent thousands of years learning how to not get food poisoning. ====================== This was from that one reboot quite a while ago, I just so happened to copy it. ====================== Morgoth strides forth, in answer to the challenge. The brothers battle in the midst of Chaos. Mountains are overturned and deserts are flooded as Arda is Marred again. Mandos chants: The world will end in 2 minutes... Morgoth says: Join me, and together we shall rule the world as Father and Son! Thunder fills the skies as Manwe leads the Valar against the Enemy. Manwe calls out the Enemy, and calls him by name. The Host circles around him, moved by his Goodness. Mandos chants: The world will end in 3 minutes... Morgoth accidentally steps on Farmer Maggot's farm as he trundles across Arda. As Mandos foretold, Morgoth reunites the Silmarils! Morgoth descends upon Middle Earth, the Silmarils in his crown. The Last Battle begins. Mandos chants: The world will end in 4 minutes... Morgoth fixes his hair first, wanting to look pretty for the Last Battle. A ripping sound fills the sky! Morgoth escapes the unguarded Void! Mandos chants: The world will end in 5 minutes... Gandalf hands out small bags, and a cloud of hazy smoke follows the Host Elrond is slain defending Rivendell, his ring taken. Rivendell falls at last. The Age of Darkness begins. Mandos chants: The world will end in 7 minutes... Mandos and Co. stop their keg-stands to assist the Peoples of Middle Earth. The Armies of Sauron raze Fangorn. Arda weeps as the last Ent dies. Mandos chants: The world will end in 9 minutes... Orc and Easterling Armies turn Erebor into a theme park. Those monsters! Orc and Easterling Armies plunder Erebor! Thranduil is slain. Wilderland is lost. Mandos chants: The world will end in 10 minutes... Galadriel sneaks out of the Dark Tower, taking Sauron's chocolate with her. Mithrandir sails to Valinor, seeking the aid of the Valar. The Captain of the Nazgul lays siege to Rivendell. Mandos chants: The world will end in 8 minutes... Gimli whistles jauntily, and sets up a logging business in Lothlorien. The sound of a heavenly choir suddenly echoes from above! The Battle ceases, and all look skyward. Mandos chants: The world will end in 1 minute... Mandos uses dark arrows and the MELS' charge to gain the upper hand. But Morgoth has a flask and berserking medallion!