Sadly, a few years back I made a typo that resulted in a mis-alias in my mailer so I deleted several mails from people like Weston that I had saved for years just because. Here are a few mails that were funny to me. Maybe you'll laugh too: Item #1 To : Deboraha Cc : Elendalas From : Elendalas@Amruin Date : Wed Dec 3 15:10:58 1997 Subject: Spam Haikus =================================== 1. Blue can of steel What promise do you hold? Salt flesh so ripe 2. Can of metal, slick Soft center, so cool, moistening I yearn for your salt 3. Twist, pull the sharp lid Jerks and cuts me deeply but Spam, aah, my poultice 4. Silent, former pig One communal awareness Myriad pink bricks 5. Clad in metal, proud No mere salt-curing for you You are not bacon 6 And who dares mock Spam? You? you? you are not worthy Of one rich pink fleck 7. Like some spongy rock A granite, my piece of Spam In sunlight on my plate 8. Little slab of meat In a wash of clear jelly Now I heat the pan 9. Oh tin of pink meat I ponder what you may be: Snout or ear or feet? 10. In the cool morning I fry up a slab of Spam A dog barks next door 11. Pink tender morsel Glistening with salty gel What the hell is it? 12. Ears, snouts and innards A homogeneous mass Pass another slice 13. Old man seeks doctor "I eat Spam daily", he says. Angioplasty 14. Highly unnatural The tortured shape of this "food" A small pink coffin 15. Pink beefy temptress I can no longer remain Vegetarian --------------------------------------------- oif...dear god ;) This next one, the mail was unimportant, but just reading the list of names makes me nostalgic. I'm sure some other older players can remember them too... To : Arcor Gorlim Grongi Jared Kobe Pops Swarn Beldenar Claypool Craigwise Daibach Deboraha Esbat Gormowac Melyanne Shardik Beldrun Blade Cas Khylekt Setras Stumpi Throm Azrayel Boomer Ged Hydrax Indigo Lizardo Tedagrin Toker Longfinger Cc : Deboraha From : Deboraha@Fangorn Date : Mon Nov 16 00:37:40 1998 Ok, background to this chain of mails.... Zoso was broke one night and told everyone on the main comm about it. I had gotten a dollar that was registered with www.wheresgeorge.com. I told him I would mail him that dollar so he could buy himself a poptart to eat and he gave me his address so I mailed it to him in, like, May. Then lost he the letter in a pile of scariness over the summer and the following was written after he had attacked the pile of scariness. To : Deboraha@Dale From : Zoso@Lothlorien Date : Mon Sep 17 12:33:25 2001 Subject: Dollar reported found =================================== Dear Applicant, Correspondent, and/or Business Associate, We are glad to Report to yourself the Retreeval of one Dollar Bill, Legitimate Currency of the United States of America, from a pile of unopened bills, old papers, Kantian treatises, condom wrappers, and other assorted shit. We have Reason to believe that This Bill is your Property. Thus we saw it fitting to Inform You that said bill Has moved from the Pile, where it had languished for 4 months, into another, Much smaller Pile. This brightens its prospects considerably. The bill will soon be Registered, and we also urge you to consider what you would like it spent on. and stuff. Item #6 To : Zoso@Lothlorien Cc : Deboraha From : Deboraha@Dale Date : Tue Sep 18 14:42:33 2001 Subject: RE: Dollar reported found =================================== Dear Possessor of the Dollar Bill in Question, I am heartened to hear of the recovery of the dollar bill in question and look forward to its registration and investment in a noteworthy cause. I am also glad that it is moving along from Large Pile to Small Pile (am extremely impressed by your system of work distribution and organization. please advise on how it may be implemented here.) For investment suggestions, I have several: poptart (original invest idea), post card of dubious nature, 1 box of Smints, or possibly bus fare to a unique location. Please invest said Bill as you see fit, being as you are in loco parentus of said Bill. I look forward to seeing said Bill invested in the unique manner in which only you can invest it. Sincerely, Your Applicant, Correspondent, and/or Business Associate Item #7 To : Deboraha@Dale From : Zoso@Lothlorien Date : Tue Sep 18 22:14:34 2001 Subject: Registered =================================== 725 miles in 164 days. Long live F73230066B! Btw, I think he professed to hate poptarts and bought cigarettes with it. Finally.. the last mail is from Demas. The things people talk about on the main comm are always... interesting. In his case, it was carpet stains. Item #10 To : Deboraha@Dale From : Demas@Bree Date : Mon Aug 12 17:29:23 2002 Subject: Cat Puke =================================== Dear Deboraha, Your solution for removing cat puke stains from carpet worked like a charm. I felt the need to repay you in some way, but I have little in the way of money. Thus, I have composed the following haiku for you. i was bewildered cat puke seemed invincible but deb rescued me I am no Oscar Wilde, but I hope my poetry brings a smile to your face as your advice has to mine. -Demas It did Demas ;) Finally, these are old songs from my harp, mostly written in the spur of the moment. Tedagrin demanded his song and loved it so much he made it his lifestory: I ran through the forest and happened on a trail Someone left a pile of crumbs, so I started on their tail. Over rocks and through the trees to a tiny hole in the ground I squeezed inside, what a tight fit, and this is what I found.. Here is Tedagrin Took, hobbit thief and odor extrordinaire! Here is Tedagrin Took, he'll not stop til he's a millionaire! Here is Tedagrin Took, he never wants a mate! I only found this foul little beast because he tends to DESQUAMATE! This was a cheer to try to put a smile on Jeril's face: Jeril.. Jeril He's our ma.. erm.. elf! If he can't do it, try someone else! Brutus.. Brutus He's our ma.. *mutter* dwarf! If he can't do it, make him into stew! Wait that doesn't rhyme. Brutus.. Brutus He's our dwarf! If he can't do it, I'll go barf! (it rhymes this time) Verji.. Verji He's our man! (yippy!) If he can't do it, Aww fuck it. I can't write songs. There is always more but a lot of those things were personally sentimental so not so personally interesting to you. ^ (OOC) Deboraha: Right, bye and be well.