This is probably the funniest thing I have ever read. Reason for posting: want to post someting and I think people will enjoy seeing it in non colour. (http://www.t2tmud.org/forum/viewtopic.php?p=6137#6137 to see in colour)
Who am I? What am I? Why am I here? I've been asking my self these
questions all my life. They say Im a dunedain. I really look nothing
like one. I have to different colored eyes. Plus I have sharp fangs. Very
wolf like but a dunedain found me and thats what Im called. Mortal have
such a need to label things. So feel free to call me a dunedain I take
great pride in the name. They are a very proud race. Why am I writing
this? I really dont know. I guess I dont want to die and no one to know
why I do the things I do. I was born in the deep forest of Rivendell.
Well I say born. What really happened was I woke up on the forest floor.
A kind ranger took me in. He trained me well in there ways. Alas he was
very old and soon died. I guess I was 4 at the time. Luckily with all his
training I was able to survive. The elves hated me for it. Here I was a
mere child able to survive in their forest better then they could. I had
insulted their honor. A mistake I would pay for in blood. They hunted me
down like a dog. By now I had learn to sink into the shadows. The fools
would walk right past me and never know it. Running and hiding all the
time is no life. One day I stepped out and let one of the archer see me.
I dont know what happened. As he was drawing back on his bow some thing
snapped in me. I could hear the wood crack. The string snap back into
place and even the arrow spin as it flew through the air. I caught the
air in mid air. Smiling I stabbed that archer right threw the neck. Took
my first life at 5 I believe. A sentry saw it and called for alarm. Soon
I was surrounded. Knowing my death was soon I smirked and took a bite out
of the closed elf. If I was to die I die with there blood on my tongue.
Even as the blades and arrows entered my body I was smiling. That blood
was sweeter then wine. As my blood cooled on the forest floor and I could
feel deaths cold grip on my frail corpse. I could over hear the elves
laughing. That laughing became screaming. My vision was blurry from blood
loss. I could hear a screech. It was the kind that sends a deep fear into
your very core. I knew of only one creature. Who could make that kind of
sound! The Nazgul, a black rider, ulairi, a ringwraith. They had many
names. All I knew right then is one was standing beside me. I have never
known such fear. Some thing odd happened. I could feel the arrows being
yanked from my torn body. I did not understand. Why was this thing
helping me? I wonder even as I was thrown on to the back of its horse. I
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must have ridden at least three moons worth. We stopped making me look
up. I was before the black gate. I did not know what was to become of me.
Was I to be food a play thing are worst there slave. I was laid out on a
stone table. I guessed I was to be food. At least it would be over soon.
Again the creatures puzzled me. I could feel what ever the Wraith missed
of the arrows being pulled out. Cuts being bandage in herb soaked
bandages. I was at a loss for words. Soon a necromancer stood over me.
With a few word I was asleep When I woke up there was not a scar on my
body. I must a made a sound are maybe they just knew to orcs entered. In
hand were some of the finest clothes I had ever seen. I quickly dressed
and left wanting to look around. There was the Witch King. Not know what
else to do I yanked on the hem of his cloak. Picking me up and walking
before a lidless eye. . Witch King: Master I have brought the boy. Eye:
What are you called child. Child: I dont know I was never given a name.
Eye: I see you must be called some thing. Your eyes remind me of Ice and
the very stars. Yes that will do fine IceStar. Soon your blade will be
red with the blade of your very enemies. Yes Redblade IceStar Redblade.
IceStar: I like it uh mister eye. Eye: I go by many names but the most
common is Sauron. IceStar: All right Sauron why am I here. Sauron: I see
in your heart a deep dark hate for elves. I also see a chance to make a
feared warrior. For it to work I need your free will in tacked. So Ice
Star I offer you a choice join me or die where you stand. Ice Star: Its
my chance to take my revenge on the elves. Ill join and bathe in there
blood. Sauron: I will start your training with the rise of the sun. I
paced all night waiting for the sun to rise. At last an orc came up to
me. He led me to a horse and gave me a map. List was the places where my
trainer would wait. I learned many from master of profession trade. Theft
from Batlin, the dark trade of assassination from Belforth, and the trade
of the blade from the Witch King. I had at last finished my training and
returned to Mordor. I found out I was to be a lieutenant in the army of
Mordor. I hoped back on to my steed. I had gotten close to this black
Mordor steed. I even named him Panic from the feeling you got looking
into his eyes. I was to pick up my troops in Osgiliath. I made a trip to
Bree to pick up supplies. There was the most beautiful woman I ever saw.
She had long, flowing red hair. At that point I was a solider and had
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other thing to do so I simply nod to her. My nod was returned with one
and a curtsy. Even as I rode off to Osgiliath the woman stayed on my
mind. She was making it hard to lead my troop So I made it my mission to
get her out of my mind. I went on leave and head back to Bree. There she
was my sweet princess was there. I wait on baited breath tell I heard
soft snoring from her room. I snuck up the side. Staring in to her face I
must have lost all track of time. So sunshine was cast on her face. It
was time to leave. I first want to steal a kiss. Putting my hand on side
of her head I felt them. All this time they where hide under her hair.
The long pointy ears SHE WAS AN ELF! Her eyes opened with shock. I left
the way I came and into the forest. It was too much to take in. I slept
in a tree tired and hungry was no way to take this on. When at last I got
my head together I start asking around about this elf. Finding out her
name was Longbow Shootingstar. Setting a plan in motion I invited her to
my room. I heard the knock quickly opening the door and knocking her out.
I wait for her to wake up and integrated her. Find out nothing I knocked
her out again. I looked over her gear. She had a very old bow that would
soon brake. I would hate to see he die because her bow broke when she
needed it. I went about repairing it and reinforcing it. Finishing by
restringing it. I left her a note to stop and leave me alone. When this
fair well I though I never see the sweet elf again. When I got back to
Osgiliath a nazgul was waiting for me. It told me I was to scout out
Rivendell. Nodding and taking me mount on a back rode. I though about
what I had done. Maybe I could have found bliss and peace in the arms of
this woman. No she was an elf the enemy of Mordor and the race I hated
with all my being. I still could not get her out of my mind. It cost me.
A few days into my scouting I just could not keep my mind on the task at
hand. With this lack of focus a child saw me and raised the alarm. I was
surround before I could even get my sword out. I had no chance at
winning. Death once more was near and no Ring Wraith to save me this
time. Out of a hail of arrow come. Not know what was going on. I made my
escape but not before looking on my savior. There was the red headed elf.
I had to make another meeting with her. Finding the troops had made a
base camp. I went to my tent writing waiting for news. An orc ran in.
Orc: Sir there was banishment. A female elf I believe. I have a
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description here. Looking over it. This was my elf. Orc: Sir there was
banishment. A female elf I believe. I have a description here. Looking
over it. This was my elf. IceStar: does any one else know of this. Orc:
no sir shell I inform them. With a quick flick of my wrist I behead the
orc. I say he was a trader or some thing. Eru knows they be glad to have
fresh meat. I snuck into Elrond room. Waiting in the shadows for him to
enter. At last he did. Waiting for him to shut and lock the door. I made
my self-known. IceStar: No need for weapons Elrond I come in peace and
with a deal. Elrond: why should I believe you what can you offer me.
IceStar: A chance to save you home and daughter. Right now we snuck
troops over the border. Tomorrow they attack unless I give a single. In
with case they will return home. Now here what I want. Today you banished
an elf. Now if this where her home. I could never let harm come to it.
The though of her sad is more then I can take. Do we have a deal? making
the arrangements with Elrond I set out. Giving a signal and ambushing an
orc warlord. Compared to him I was a saint. I went to find Longbow. Even
with all my training. This was hard. Then one day as I was tracking I
heard the sound of a bow cracking. Longbow had got the drop on me. Spins
only to come face to face with an arrow. Longbow: give me one good reason
I should no put an arrow through your head. IceStar: Same reason I could
not hurt you before. We are in love and nothing we can do about it.
Please meet me in Bree one more time. No tricks, no friend just you me
and some down time. Pull a phial from my cloak I vanish into the smoke it
made. I must have made a ditch from all the pacing I was doing. At last
came a weak knock this. This time I slowly opened the door. Taking her
bow from her. No need to get killed if this goes wrong. I steady my
nerve. Going down on one knee and asking her to be mine. She said yes and
things get fuzzy from there. I woke up that day looking at my beautiful
wife to be. She slowly opened her eyes and looked at me. I remember the
deal. Pulling the sword out and handing it to her. I told her to just
trust me and left. As I was walking down the street a hawk landed near
me. I was to report to the Death Marshes. I was told we where setting up
a sneak attack on the elves there. Riding in on Panic all I could thing
was what elves. I was ambushed by my own troops. Panic knew I was in
trouble and ran to safety. Alas the damage was done. I blacked out to the
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world. My last thoughts where of my lovely elf. How I was going to miss
her. I dont know how much time passed. I just remember my love was in
danger. Some orcs had snuck into Rivendell. They where to destroy my
body. To keep me from coming back. Longbow nor Elrond where not going to
let them near. I just remember having an orc in each hand. A loud pop was
heard and I broke their necks and drop their corpse. The others fled in
panic. I spend the night in Rivendell. Waking up before all other I left
a note for Longbow. I was leavening to travel around Arda. panic. I spend
the night in Rivendell. Waking up before all other I left a note for
Longbow. I was leavening to travel around Arda. Right then I had a lot on
my mine. I dont know how long I traveled but I ended up in Adornas. There
was a battle near the border. I did what instinct told me to do. I joined
in. Dont know what my death count was. All I know is it ended up with me
leave when the Rohan. I guess they where impressed by my skills on
horseback. Eru only know how much time I spent on Panics back. Over time
I became one of them. I forgot the black tongue and learned Rohirric. I
still remember the day I cam back to Longbow. Me and some other men where
to meet some elves in an out of the way spot. I though Longbow and
Elrond where going to fall off there horses when they saw me take lead of
this group. Things when well between us but what I waited for seem to
take forever. Night came at last. I snuck Longbow off to Bree. There a
bunch of friends and even a priest waited. That night I slid a ring on
Longbows finger and made her mine.
More to come
HP:160 EP:85 REG: >